You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I could make wine with my vomit
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
