o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
