I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
