i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I can text with my tongue
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
