I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
