It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
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