taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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