Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
