Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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