I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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