just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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