My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
