You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
