last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
