The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
