My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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