We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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