He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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