there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
