What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
