third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
