he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
