Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
