also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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