what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
