Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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