whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
