the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
