on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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