you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
