I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Never joke about your clitoris.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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