There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
