My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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