id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
