Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
