My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
