im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's always time for handjobs
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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