I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
