i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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