I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
