i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
