Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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