hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
