nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
