I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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