youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
