if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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