She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
