This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
