Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
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