let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
