Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
