3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
you had me at cake vodka
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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