i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
