So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
