And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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