what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
