No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
