please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
