Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
